Dealing with a Boy trapped inside a Man's Body

Dating or being married to a boy trapped inside a man's body can give you a whole range of emotions. He may make you want to pull out all of your hair and scream sometimes.

This type of man will anger you more then any other man has ever angered you before.

This will be a little scary since you never knew you were capable of having these deep rooted feeling inside especially for someone you love so much. This is when resentment will start to build. You're way too good for that sweetheart! Your time is precious and so are you. Don't let him make you feel any less just because he hasn't or isn't capable of being mentally grown.

Some how in some way it will always get turned around on you when you get into a fight or argument with him.

Fights are usually started because you've come to him or opened up about your thoughts or feelings. You're not happy with the way things are going or you don't feel satisfied. You should always be free to speak your feelings! You deserve to be happy! A grown man who loves you will do anything in his power to make sure he listens and makes sure you are happy! Don't you ever forget that! (Easier said then done at times though' huh?)

Unfortunately, this type of man will not only get defensive, he will always have something to say along these common lines when you try to talk to him.

   "Stop attacking me".

   "I can't do anything right".

   "Why can't you just be happy"?

   " I have feeling's too"!

   "I guess I'm not aloud to talk          about My feelings".

    "You probably deserve better"!

He usually plays the "Victim" card or play's it down. Why? Because he can't be wrong and this defines a boy stuck in a Man's Body.  He can't see it but anyone and everyone else grown can. This person doesn't want to grow up or just can't. 

Typically when he reacts this way over a small grown up talk, you end up confused and asking yourself, "How did something so small and simple turn into something so big and confusing"?

Easy answer... This is how he manipulates you. It's a type of reverse psychology commonly known as 'Smoke Screening'. He can also be a projector. Projecting is when someone starts making their problems your problems. This is a way he spins the whole thing into constant circles. Before you know it your head is spinning and you are now so confused. You have just forgotten what is really going on. (Guess What? That is his exact plan and he knows just what he's doing). You have to be smarter, stop him as soon as you get to this point, let it be known you are onto him, and you must start back to the original problem.

The key is not forgetting why you came to him in the first place. Stick to what the subject is really about.

You have got to find a way to focus on that while tuning out all other nonsense that's coming out of his mouth. Trust me, if you don't, you will not only get hurt but you will get lost in his game of merry go round as well. His goal is to get the attention off himself and onto you.

"Immature men cannot accept blame".

This spinning around cycle can go on for days, weeks, and even months if you allow it to, because again

"Immature men cannot accept blame".

Do not step down to his level. Do stay focused. 

Don't be pulled into his trap by letting him get you so upset that you're calling him names. This is exactly what he wants you to do. Why? Because if you do, then he wins. 

By calling him these specific names, it will only provoke this "Man-Child" more. You do not want to go down this road. It is dangerous.

Reframe from using names such as these:

Immature, Child, Childish, or Baby and definitely stop yourself from saying "Grow Up!" 

It will set him on fire because he knows you are right. Remember, he can't be wrong regardless of how it makes you feel because he's designed like a child. It's his happiness that counts, not yours.

If you love this man and want him to hear you, follow my advise by staying focused and not letting him get you upset. Stay centered and don't forget the real reason why you are coming to him. If this doesn't help and you come to a point where you just can't take it anymore then I suggest counselling or just moving on. 

If at anytime things escalate to a point where he gets abusive, get help immediately! Signs of abuse come in many forms and if at anytime this happens, it does not matter if he's a boy living in a man's body. Abuse is abuse. If he puts you down, gets in your face, shouts, throws things, or gets physically violent with you, this is abuse. If you get to a point where your own anger gets out of control, get help. It can get pretty nasty so you must carefully remove yourself from the situation immediately before someone gets hurt.

We don't always have the strength to appropriately handle ourselves in these types of situations or with these types of people. Not everything can be worked out and sometimes even the most loving relationships can get toxic. Stay safe, keep focused, and make healthy choices. It takes two intimate individuals to make a functioning grown up relationship. If you're the only one working at it and it's a constant win or lose battle with him or you constantly feel that you're fighting against the waves, it's because you are dealing with a child.

Most, if not all of us have dealt or loved a boy trapped in a man's body. Love can make us see things through Rose Colored Glasses making us blind to the true picture of it all. 

If you are here then you probably love this guy deeply while at the same time you feel this could be your last straw with him. 

Your looking for answers because these are two very conflicting feelings that you're having. It can really start to overwhelm and take a tole on you. We are taught that Love conquers all. If it did then why do we feel so bad for something we love. Maybe the answer is right there...

You may have had it with this guy and feel you've already been through enough of the "Breakup and Makeup's" with him. You may also feel as if you can't live without him because during one of the breakup stages you realized you couldn't.

Either way, there are a lot of mixed emotions when you love a boy trapped in a man's body and that's why you're here. 

Check out these facts and statistics!

Did you know that:

Everyone starts out as a female before they're born! So not only was every man born from a woman, he was also actually a "she" once apon a time! (That could explain his monthly man moods or as I like to say "He's going through Menopause").

Men are mentally behind woman by two whole years.

People often mistake 'boys trapped in a man's body' as being a 'narcissist' because they carry the same personality trades. 

(Examples: Selfishness, Always Right, Controlling, or appear to have very little emotion.)

Mental Age Growth and Common Effects to Delayed Mental Growth Chart:

Age 13 - 16 without frequent use of alcohol or drugs. These are Boy's. Don't expect anything less or anything more.

Age 13 - 18 with Alcohol and/or Drug use. Did you know that a guys mental state is actually frozen at whatever age he starts drinking or doing drugs. He will literally stay at that maturity level for the rest of his life! ( This can also be found in woman but we're not talking about that right now- Moving on).

Age 16-25 he is in the transition of becoming a young man and he is at his highest peak with his Sex Drive. This is different for Men who don't get Sex often from their partners. It's proven that 9 out of every 10 men in a long term, committed, or married relationship continue to stay in their prime much longer. It's called "The Chase" or "Want what they Can't have Syndrome". They are also much more likely to stray or cheat in these tough times.  Keep them "Unloaded". This is a whole other Blog! I will get to that another time! 

Age 25 - 35 without children start to became more independent and are now young men. The closer to 40 they get, the closer to hitting their mid-life crisis! (Yikes!)

Age 25 - 35 with children become men. They still hit a weird mid-life crisis but most times is a lot more tamed then if they didn't have children or weren't married. Although a small percentage (Usually the "Man-Child") can go off the deep end. " I WANT TO BE FREE!" They feel they are getting old, try to stop it, and falsely believe it's all your fault! Oh the great times of Resentment. Not!

Age 35 - 45 without children and/or never married are completely and 100% a "Man Child" aka "A boy trapped inside a Man's body". Add Mama's Boy to that and you got yourself a case of a "Super Man Child" or what I like to call "A Scrub"! (Coming from the old time favorite TLC song from back in the day! That's right! I said that out loud!)

Age 26 - 45 with children who have been married or in a long-term committed relationship, that do not have an addiction to alcohol or drugs, who haven't been frozen by drugs and alcohol as a boy- These are what we call Men. 

Awe Yes...Manly Men! This is the one we ALL truly want and desire so much. Now sometimes if you catch one early, marry, and have his children, he will most likely begin growing into a man years earlier. 

If we don't have a grown man and are here dealing with "Boy's stuck in a Man's Body" We want it! We so want our guy to be that man. We may have already had, loved, and lost a man like this before. That makes it worse because we expect that in a man now. That's the way it should be. It is so frustrating and heart wrenching loving these guy's. They make excuses for Everything, Can't grow up if their lives depended on it, their always right never wrong, and sadly love themselves more. Truth is we do love them, we are blinded by that, and we are also somewhat settling. It's even more challenging if your guy has been married and divorced already because he is so stubborn that he actually believes that by not getting married again, he's doing the "Right" thing. He feels he must go back to being young again. No commitments. No one's going to tell him what to do! When in all actuality, it's called compromising in a relationship. Although everyone around him knows this, the child like guy just can't see it this way. If only he knew how foolish he looked, we probably wouldn't be here right now. If he knew just how wrong he really was, he would do right. Why? Because he just can't be wrong now would he! He just cannot cohabitate in this stubborn child like state of mind. He literally lost the man in him from his failed marriage or long-term relationship. He can't handle being wrong or failing again. Why? Because he is a Boy and Not a Man. 

Watch your heart. Play the field with or without him in your life cause it's just too short. (He would, so why can't you?! This is another Blog I will be writing about soon!) 

Final Conclusion

  

If you can't live without him then learn to live with it. There is only one way to change his ways and help him grow and that is to leave him or start living like you weren't with him. That's Right... Leave or Live. You can do both if you have it in you. One day at a time. 

My advise is to give yourself a week or two to think about it before pulling any plugs. You don't want to do something impulsive that you may regret. It's the wise thing to do. You don't have to disappear. Just keep things casual while you sort out your thoughts and see if this is something you really want to deal with. 

Sometimes during this time of thinking we'll see his true colors, good or bad. If we're lucky he will sense the end is near, it's time he snaps out of it, grows up, see's his faults, and wants to be the man who truly makes you happy. The child in him will vanish, the man in him will step up, and he will put his prideful ways aside. 

If he was meant to be...he will come back and want to be "Your Grown Man" especially the moment he thinks someone else will swoop you up. Sometimes it takes forgetting him all together. But he will be back once he realizes there is no one more right for him or more about growing up in a good way, then You! 

In the mean time, if you have to find a replacement then do it! He will come back a grown man. If he doesn't, you've already moved on and you will see that you just saved yourself a whole lot of that precious time that you can't or wouldn't have ever gotten back.

Extra thoughts...

If this man hasn't grown up by now and he's 30 plus year's old, chances are he may never grow up. Deep inside you may already know that but it's in our blood to fight until we are absolutely certain of the answers. Especially when it's for someone we love and if our gut is telling us something's off. It's natural to fear pain and with love comes pain.

The question is...Why do we have to fight for a love that's right? We don't... We only fight for something when we feel it's wrong or when we feel we are losing it. We fight to make it right.

Ultimately, Your just not happy.

Thanks for reading! I love Ya'll!