( Post Traumatic Stress Disorder )
- Nine times out of ten the abuser is the father of the children. He uses the justice and court system along with the children as a way to continue to abuse, control, and harrass the victim.
A lot of courts don't recognise the long term damage on the children's well being in these cases. Having a quick trial is crucial in these cases. In most states it is only recognised in criminal hearings but not civil matters. For example in a criminal case the victim has a right to a speedy trial. This can and should be recognised and brought to the attention of the judge in severe cases of long-term abuse. Awareness is also crucial in civil custody cases. Most likely the victim suffers from "Battered Wife Syndrome" and "PTSD" from years of abuse from the other parent.
The victim and children live in a constant state of fear making everything so much harder. They are constantly reliving the abuse everyday.
Mother's who have endured year's of abuse are extremely protective of their children. Most of the abuse typycally happens at night when the children are asleep or even while at a grandparents house for the night. This is because the abuser doesn't want anything leaking out. The mother protects the children by carrying on with her day making sure the children continue to live a happy and well taken care of life. The children will be very confused when the mother leaves their father and when the parent's split because they don't know what's going on and this is how and when the abuser will target and use the children. He will use anytime with them to manipulate, interrogate, alienate and brainwash them about their mothers character, her where abouts, and prompt them to lie if they have witnessed anything in the home. This is very difficult on children because they love and trust both parents but are now in the middle and often don't know who to believe but want to please both sides.
It is best if the children can remain with the mother until all court proceedings and interviews have been done. This may be very difficult though. If the judge agrees the father is to remain a part of the children's life, a motion for supervised visitation at a trained facility should be submitted immediately. This assures everyone's safety and prevents the father from manipulating or harming the children.
Always remember that the abused knows the abuser better then anyone else in this unfortunate situation. You must take them very serious if they advise you that their life or children are in danger.
There have been far to many cases like these where the children are kidnapped, manipulated, alienated, abused and killed. One out of fifteen custody cases involving a violent father end fatally.
Working with a client who suffers from severe PTSD and learning how to cope in these cases is extremely important. These cases aren't the standard divorce case your dealing with and it will help everyone in the long run if you understand and learn these symptoms and behaviors of your client.
Behavior of the victim before a hearing.
- Worry
- Anxiety
- Fear
- Nervousness
- Reapeated fears
- Aggitation
- Highly stressed
- Ask a lot of the same questions
- Confusion with timelines
The victim may call your office several times when new fears arise. You have to understand that she has most likely been alienated from her friends and family by the abuser. She doesn't have anyone else to talk to and can't trust anyone but is trying to trust that you will assure the safety of her children and her. As busy as you may be it's crucial that you stay patient. If you're too busy, try setting her up with a victim coordinator if you haven't already.
It will trigger the victim's P.T.S.D. if you or the victim coordinator show irritation or frustration with her fears and this could lead to crying outbreaks and agitation. This will likely result in the victim wanting to give up and no longer want to continue out of loss of confidence and lack of trust.
In most custody cases the victim is represented by a volunteer lawyer because they are struggling single mother's. In severe cases the victim suffers from P.T.S.D., depression, anxiety, and temporary or permanent injuries from the abuser. These all make it very difficult for the victim to stay focused and calm.
Once a victim leaves the abuser she not only has to pick up all the peices the abuser left behind but she will continue to try and keep things as normal as possible without disrupting the children's lives as she had always done. In most cases the abuser controlled everything including all financial matters. She will be forced to move from her home and start working to get into a new home that is affordable and safe for her children and her. It's not easy to find a landlord who will have to take a split up deposit because she doesn't have the fund's. If the victim has P.T.S.D., is injured or disabled that makes everything that much harder to work and make it to therapy appointments. She will have to put work 1st because her children come first and she must provide a roof over their head and food in their tummy's. By missing her medical appointments the abuser gets the upper hand in his case. If she can't support the children he could also get the upper hand because judges want to see the kids have a home. If she can't provide these things then the courts could make a fatal decision.
I've seen many cases where this happens and the children land in the hands of the abuser which is never good. If the abuser hasn't already harmed the children it will eventually happen.
The abuser typically uses the children as a weapon of control on the mother. If he can't see her, he will drag her into court as much as he possibly can or extend the trial as long as he can to keep a hold on her. This will eventually began to not only take a toll on her and their children but at her job as well for missing work to attend court hearings.
The victims in these cases remain in the abuser's prison while he is free to do as he pleases. The children and the mother suffer a great deal of psychological and physical damage due to this. Damage that may never be able to be undone, that could have life-long consequences.
Please do your research on P.T.S.D. and try everything you can to be patient and understanding. It will help the case, you, the children, and the victim tremendously in the short and longterm of things.
